aepicstranger: thisretrodreamisneverending: In physics the other day my teacher started having this coughing fit so he says ‘I THINK SATAN IS CHOKING ME’ and I just went ‘Sorry’ and he stopped coughing omg I think everyone in my class is terrified now. i am still laughing at this from like twenty minutes ago
thatpsychowriter: For all of you who are worried that there might be secret mind readers in the room just try MENTALLY SCREAMING and if anyone jumps or flinches, you know
emilioestevez: story time so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.
mermaidsandmisandry: things i dont need in my life: wasps those stringy things on the banana commercials on youtube
leftforbed: leftforbed: mcsnuggie: true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn why would the movie eat my popcorn nevermind i get it
cucaluca: catswithbenefits: An elderly woman whose home was destroyed by the Oklahoma tornado found her pet dog among the rubble during a live TV interview My heart exploded.
brvdleysoileau: how is “slut” even an insult wtf get that dick grl
mebeingweird: bondoge: do u ever listen to a song and u like forget ur listening to it and when it’s almost over ur just like what and then u repeat the song but then it happens again
burritwo: adrians: a-creepy-weirdo-has: adrians: I had 3 stitches in my ear today and now my ear is swollen like a balloon I’m not being racist but if you didnt want your ear to swell up you probably shouldn’t have gotten stitches. how is that racist they just said they weren’t being racist do you even listen
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
theneverendingdrums: wimpala: theneverendingdrums: theneverendingdrums: theneverendingdrums: i want pizza but im broke what if i just walked into a shop and stole a 12 inch pizza and ran away do u think id get away with it update: i got away with it omg no dont reblog this post what if the police find me hello yes police there’s someone on the internet who stole a pizza and got...
genocidercyo: clockey: you’re the window to my wall you’re the sweat that drips down my balls
icoulduseinsouciantmaybe: superhubbys: its gotten to the point where i have to pretend nudity surprises me #OH NO GENITALS WHAT A DISASTER
soselfimportant: 4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy